I’ve actually never had a successful romantic relationship, so of course I know how to have one.

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Photo by Jude Beck on Unsplash

I’ve read the best way to get over a heartbreak is to just jump back in the game, but I’m not sure that’s true.

Having tried just about every possible method of erasing a deep hurt from my heart, I would put getting into a new relationship as last on my list of ways to cope. The reason I’m convinced of this is because it means you never really deal with the hurt — kind of just push it aside like it doesn’t exist. And ignoring something doesn’t make it go away, whether you acknowledge it or not.

I started…

A poem written when a friend died from liver cancer.

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photo by a divine

On the last day of the year I went to tell a friend goodbye

And he didn’t want to leave and I admit it made me cry

But I said it anyway, held his hand, then walked out the door

And it’s the first day of the year now and I won’t see him anymore

On the last day of the year I cried for no good reason too

And I know you didn’t know it because I hid the tears from you

And it’s the first day of the year now and it’s starting to…

Society’s constructs, and how we are all victimized by them.

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Art by A Divine

This is how it started for me. I put a little pink in my hair and the world went crazy. You’d think the sun fell out of the sky or something.

Apparently, you can dye your hair black, brown, yellow, red or a combination of any of those, but you can’t have any of the colors of the rainbow above your neck. Especially after you reach a certain age, and if you do more than just a streak or two, and if your hair is light to begin with.

There are rules.

It’s so funny to me when I watch other people react…

But don’t worry ‘bout me.

debris lying on floor of destroyed building
debris lying on floor of destroyed building
Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

I’ll be fine.

We all will.

A little thing like a major hurricane ain’t enough to keep us down. Not forever anyway.

Y’all keep on having your petty little wars about whoever is superior to whoever else.

I get it.

We all do.

And while y’all are fighting, maybe take a minute to remember the entire nursing home full of PEOPLE who were left behind during the worst storm they’ve ever seen.

Or didn’t see.

They’re old, eyes and ears fading, left to sit in their own waste, unable to rise from their beds and chairs.

But y’all go on fighting.

Y’all go on worrying about which ONE MAN is gonna be THE one man, while MASSES OF MEN take each…

What it really looks like

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Loving God sounds easy, but don’t read this if you aren’t brave enough to face yourself.

I always considered loving God from a selfish point of view. I love Him because of all He gives me, for blessing me with life, for sending Jesus to die for my sins.

But to love Him just for being GOD is a lot more terrifying because it causes you to be morally just, but not at all socially acceptable.

You have to be extraordinarily fierce to love God like you should. And you have to know who He really is.

Ephesians 3:14 calls God the Father from whom every family in Heaven and earth is named, and Matthew 23:9 says we have one Father, and He’s in Heaven.

In John…

A poem about life after childhood trauma.

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Today I got a glimpse of me.

The me that I swore could not return.

I saw the part of myself that I said was dead and buried,

Killed off by the destruction that was my life.

And when I saw me, I knew who I was.

I recognized the part of me that has always been my strength.

Like a fool, I closed my life to that part of myself for many wasted years.

I said to let that person exist was to be weak

Because that part of me hurts and is angry.

For so long, I have…

Social Isolationism can make you crazy.

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Photo by michael schaffler on Unsplash

The world we live in is imperfect at best, and a cataclysmic train ride to hell at worst. Just when you think things are starting to go your way, something happens to bring your life crashing down around your feet in broken bits of whatever’s left when your expectation doesn’t match your outcome.

And if you want a fast track to crazy, just go into social isolation for a few months.

I’m not a social butterfly. I never have been, thank God. I love my own company and can go without other people for long periods of time. But not forever.

Humans aren’t designed to live their lives alone. We need connections.

When the normal is snatched away from you, the “new normal” takes its place. NOT the one…

Focus matters

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For some reason, the flies are unbearable this year, and I think it’s because the pipe running into the sewer has a leak, and human waste is trickling onto the ground in the backyard.

I feel like a little kid from a third world country, swatting at flies that are too lazy or too full to even be intimidated enough to fly away.

An overwhelming dampness hangs in the air and settles on my skin.

Typical for the South.

When they go on about the South rising again, they don’t bring up the stench of human sweat and the clinging…

Life explained through the lens of madness.

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Photo by Callie Gibson on Unsplash

The silence I live in since I found my child dead isn’t silent at all but is made up of voices from my childhood, talking incessantly and laughing as they clink their wine glasses together and scrape their forks across china plates. Noise I can’t explain is now accompanied by the shrill voice of tinnitus.

I stare blankly and wait for the moment to pass. It always has. I pray it always does, but let’s face it. The odds aren’t good.

My life is no different than countless others who hide behind a façade of normalcy.

We are what we’ve become, or maybe were destined to be or always were. I’ve lost sight of my…

Why we’re fading out of existence

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Mama said she was in the grocery store the other day when she felt it — the sensation that she was fading out. Out of the world, out of existence.

You don’t want to hear things like that from your parents.

It’s almost as if you think by not acknowledging death, you can keep it from coming.

But today, it happened to me.

All week, I’ve been at my house like a good citizen. I’ve worked at home in the daytime. Then at night, I sit on my bed, playing games on my phone — caught in a strange cycle of depression.

Even depression won’t allow me to starve my animals, and strangely, not even myself…

Allison Divine

I write about recovery, life, grief, personal responsibility, social issues, and overcoming. Email: allison@moodyoops.com, Blog: https://moodyoops.com/

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