Relationships Are Costly

Don’t let anybody steal your shine.

I feel like the woman at the well.

Do you ever feel like you’ve been dragged over a bed of nails, rolled in hot coals, and vomited out by a disgusting sea creature all at once? If so, you’ve probably been in a relationship with a narcissist.

I hope you’re at the vomiting out part.

At least you have a chance to start again and do it differently this time!

I certainly am not an advocate for divorce. I detest it. I’ve had enough experience to know how utterly vile and costly it is, and how deflating it can be to your self-esteem. Also, it can temporarily steal your voice.

Even though divorce is a disaster, relationships are also hard.

I’ve been married four times, so it’s unlikely that all four failures were someone else’s fault entirely, but I will say that a lot of my problem lies in choosing from the bottom of the barrel.

Not always, but at least three out of four times.

And maybe those guys would’ve been great for someone else. Who knows? My narcissist radar tells me that at least in one case, this is not the truth (so does his track record).

Yeah, but what do I know? Clearly, I’m no expert. In fact, you could call me a relationship loser.

Look, I’m not here to bash anyone. I’ve gained a significant amount of wisdom trudging through the slums of matrimony with these guys. Plus a few others that I didn’t marry.

The biggest takeaway for me is that if something seems off, it’s off. I’m not a suspicious person at all! But when you get the feeling something isn’t quite right, that’s most likely because it isn’t. It’s good to go with your gut sometimes, and not just ignore the warning signs until your world crashes down around you. This is how I normally operate.

Another thing is communication. If you don’t like something, don’t avoid conflict — tell them you don’t like it! Sure, you may go through an uncomfortable few minutes but it beats the heck out of trying to navigate a divorce and picking up the shards of your life after the explosion finally happens.

Eventually, you may see the rainbow after the rain.

Lastly, don’t let anyone treat you as LESS. Less than them, less than you should be treated, less than the amazing person you are! Some people don’t want to see you shine because it means they will have to step up their own game. You may as well move on in the beginning if you find that your significant other is continuously trying to squash or change who you are.

You weren’t meant to hide in the dark.

And neither was I. That’s why I’m 0–4.

I write about recovery, life, grief, personal responsibility, social issues, and overcoming. Email:, Blog:

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